When GEORGE is robbed of a large sum of money by some 'con' men, his nephew, STEVEN, decides George needs to recuperate by the sea, and arranges a four-week holiday in 'The Crow's Nest', a care home run by over-bearing MRS. WADDELL. But George's time there proves to be anything but restful! is MRS. BURGESS really a Russian spy? Is AGATHA really a psychiatrist? Or is George going mad, as his nephew beings to suspect? SHORT-LISTED IN THE SCOTT SALVER COMPETITION 2013.

When EMANUELLE becomes thoroughly depressed by the depth to which humanity has sunk, GABRIELLE and MICHELLE persuade her that a big party will cheer her up. However Satan's son, LUKE, arrives, having been thrown out of Hell for being too good. He begs to join in the fun and entertain the partygoers with his guitar. Emanuelle is persuaded that he can't be blamed for his father's misdemeanours and allows him to stay. The fun begins when PETRA brings in an OLD LADY who's terrified of ending up in Hell.

FELICITY has advertised for a 'live-in' carer for her elderly mother and is delighted to receive three very different applications. SANDY has been made redundant and is struggling financially, hoity-toity MOIRA boasts that she fancies a career change, and pensioner NAN has a more dubious motive for her application. In the waiting room fierce competition leads them to try to undermine each other.. The surly JANITOR makes their wait even more stressful with her constant complaints. However Felicity's somewhat bizarre questioning method is explained when she announces the result of the interviews.

The audience in Auchenpukie Community Hall is eagerly awaiting the opening night of a new quiz show to be compered by CLEMENTINA CANT, helped (or more often hindered) by her assistant, APHRODITE MACGONIGALL. PATSY and ANNIE are excited to be representing their care home and each seems determined to win, while SERAFINA SNODGRASS, the owner of the care home, has more mercenary reasons for sending them after the prizes. However the evening turns out to be much more than Clementina had bargained for, and it emerges that Patsy and Annie have more on their minds than winning prizes. PLACED THIRD EQUAL IN THE SCOTT SALVER COMPETITION 2017

It's another boring night in the graveyard for ghosts, JINTY and BILLY, until new arrival, MILDRED, raises a philosophical question for them - if the world ends, as OBADIAH continually predicts, can it make any difference to a ghost? Two women, HAZEL and CLARE, arrive to carry out an unusual task - Clare is desperate to communicate with her dead mother. The prospect of a bit of fun, frightening the women with ghostly doings, is abandoned as ghosts and humans discover unexpected connections. Finally they face the same threat. Or do they? SHORT-LISTED IN 'PLAY ON WORDS' 2009

HAMLET wants an easy life - wine, women and song (well, maybe not the song) but people keep pestering him to make decisions. His father's GHOST wants him to kill CLOD, Hamlet's uncle and stepfather. His mother, GERTRUDE, wants him to choose a wife from his childhood friends (or rather, enemies) ROSIE CRANKS or GILDA STERN. But OHFEELYA wants him to marry her. On the other hand, he could settle for a life of hard work at university, or face the warrior princess, Fourteenbras, in battle. Counseled by Ohfeelya's mother, BALONIA, Hamlet sees that madness could be the solution to all his problems. * Place name may be changed to suit local requirements SHORT-LISTED IN 'PLAY ON WORDS 2002'.

When LANCE enters hospital for a simple operation to cure his piles, he little expects an 'out of body' experience which will re-unite him with his doting MOTHER, his second wife, EMMA, and his old pal, DAVE, all of whom died in a road accident. They are eager to have Lance stay with them permanently, but when his first wife, AILEEN (also dead) arrives on the scene and reveals exactly how he contributed to their entry through the pearly gates, Lance quickly rejects their invitation and escapes their clutches. PLACED SECOND IN 'PLAY ON WORDS 1995'

Three people wait to see the village doctor: neurotic MRS. KIRK, desperate for her supply of tranquillisers, busybody MRS. HOGG, crippled with painful piles, and arrogant MR. FOWLER, a drugs company rep - or is he, as Mrs. Kirk believes, a crazed murderer? Enter MR. G. REAPER, who looks like an old tramp but claims he's there to oversee the imminent demise of all concerned, including MISS BAIN, the receptionist, who believes carrot cake will cure all their problems. Is Mr. Reaper who he claims to be, and if so, who will perish first? A black comedy. PLACED 2ND. IN THE SCOTT SALVER COMPETITION 2012. FESTIVAL WINNER 2013 for EAST KILBRIDE YOUNG FARMERS.

MAGDALENA, raised by wealthy, genteel adoptive parents, sets out to trace her natural mother, assisted by her smart, flamboyant boyfriend, QUENTIN. She gets more than she bargained for when she meets the anti-social McLean family - TAM 'MAD' McLEAN, his wife, PHAMIE, daughter, ROXANNE, and dissolute brother, MUCKY. She is spared nothing by their bawdy humour, but the biggest shock comes when her true lineage is revealed. Not for the faint-hearted!

When uncouth MRS. SAVAGE and her ne'er-do-well son, TAM, are evicted, they move into the home of her other son, JIM, who is away working in England. Pompous Jim and his new wife, EDITH, return unexpectedly, and are faced with a house in chaos from Tam's wild parties with his 'friend' MAISIE and other undesirables. The last thing toffy Edith wants, is to share her house with her in-laws - Tam's dog is terrorizing the neighbourhood, and Mrs. Savage is secretly running a dubious fortune-telling business which is almost ruined by Tam's behaviour towards librarian, MISS GRUNDY. However another 'client', MR. FOGGIT, helps her stumble on the truth about Edith.

BOGG, a less than adequate caveman, leads a happy, if hen-pecked, life with his woman, AAGG until her father meets with an untimely death by falling into the path of a wooly mammoth. Aagg's mother, HAG, comes to stay, making Bogg's life a misery. But help is at hand with the arrival of Bogg's old pal, OGG, who has come for the Intervalley Mammoth-Bone-Tossing Championships. Ogg's first plan fails - a blind date for Hag with ZIGG, the Dung Carrier, but he is confident that MORG, the Wise Woman, will sort things out. And she does, but a botched magic spell brings unexpected results.

'Down with Europe!' is the battle-cry of the newly formed British Union of Militant Secessionists, a group composed of FIONA, an over-the-hill bimbo, RHONA, a middle-aged megalomaniac, MARIE, an alcoholic, ANDY, an egotistical male chauvinist, and two blood-thirsty pensioners, CATHY and GRETA. If politicians won't give the British public what it wants, will this ill-matched crew manage to lead a successful revolution to take the country out of the EU? Will there be bloodshed? And will the group ever learn to sing 'The Marseillaise' properly? The JUDGE will decide.