After ten years of marriage to PRINCE CHARMING, CINDERELLA is revealed in her true colours - a clothesaholic, granny-bashing, husband-beater. Completely obsessed with becoming Queen, she gives the Prince a hard time, comparing his wimpishness with the macho millionaire hotelier, BUTTONS. The FAIRY GODMOTHER, in spite of her new-found desire 'to be a baddy for a change', unites with PUCK to bring about Cinderella's downfall and allow the aging BARONESS to live happily ever after with her toyboy.

Four dysfunctional pantomime characters meet for a therapy session, their last chance to mend their ways or face life imprisonment. GOLDIE (LOCKS) is a housebreaker, shoplifter, vandal, and animal-hater. RED (RIDINGHOOD) mugs old ladies and ill-treats alsatians. JACK (as in BEANSTALK) persecutes cows, when he isn't hacking down trees and vandalising gardens. WICCY (THE WITCH) practises the only trade she knows - witchcraft - meanwhile knocking back the booze and punishing her cat for incompetence. Their new caseworker, ISA CHOOKIE, is confident her imaginative approach will sort them out. However, it backfires and she gets more than she bargains for. In the end, magic is the answer.

Reaching home after his famous ride, TAM O'SHANTER is berated by his wife, KATE, who refuses to believe his tale of witches and warlocks, and brands him a drunkard, fornicator and liar. Disproving the theory that witches cannot cross water, NANNIE arrives on the scene, terrifies and titillates Tam and infuriates Kate who catches them in a clinch. Silver-tongued NICK dispels Kate's suspicions and makes an interesting proposal to Tam - he can run away with Nannie for an exciting life, in exchange for Tam's soul. Lured by the prospect of sex and riches, Tam is about to seal the bargain, but his daughter LIZZIE appears and Tam finds the rules of the game have changed. PLACED 3RD. IN THE SCOTT SALVER COMPETITION 1997.

SANTA CLAUS is ready to quit - obnoxious children, like WAYNE and LEE-ANNE, and unruly, disobedient ELVES are making his life a misery. TWINKLETOES, the Christmas Fairy, agrees to his retirement on condition he finds and trains a replacement. There are only two job applicants - HOLLY JOLLY, a nippy sweetie, and man-eating IVY LIVELY, and they fail their test miserably. Santa despairs. Then an unusual gentleman turns up. He says his name is LUCIFER and he seems to be the ideal man for the job - or is he? Santa finally realises that he, himself, is the only person who can do the job properly.